Fifty Shades More?!

BDSM, D/s, Fifty Shades of Grey, Writing

It’s been confirmed! EL James officially has nothing else to write about!

I do get it…the world fell in love with Fifty Shades, with Christian in particular, but really?! Do we really need another version of something that was suspiciously popular in the first place? The three books, combined, outsold Harry Potter! The film smashed box office records…I know! But quit while you’re ahead, people!

You know how you hear that song that you love, and the whole world loves it too, and it gets played on the radio over and over and over, and eventually you want to rip your own eyeballs out whenever you hear it? Yeah…that!

As I’ve said before, I begrudgingly loved the books when they were first released, but this kind of feels like flogging a dead horse (flogging pun absolutely intended!) It’s like the people behind the BDSM Behemoth can’t let go.

Before I go full on Elsa and start belting out my pitch perfect rendition of Let it Go, I’ll move on…(Bet you never thought you’d see a Disney reference in a piece about Fifty Shades…Yeah…I went there!)

EL James clearly has a talent for creating characters that people love. For the most part, she’s a fantastic story teller, and I do believe that she should continue to write other things (and perhaps hirer a damn good editor), but the appeal of Christian Grey is wearing a little thin now, and trying to bleed this money-horse for all it’s worth (which is pretty clearly what is happening) will just end in tears…and not the tears of the submissive being beaten with a riding crop…genuine tears! My tears!

Say what now!? On BDSM Roles and Terminology

BDSM, D/s, Fetish, Fifty Shades of Grey, Kink, Sex, Writing

Thanks to a certain well-known (and no doubt well-thumbed…Pun absolutely intended) book, the whole world has now heard the terms Dominance and Submission with regards to what people get up to in the boudoir.

Women up and down the length and breadth of the globe are now jumping up and down and shouting, “I’m a submissive! Tie me up!” and the cable tie and rope section at your local DIY store has no doubt had an influx of curious customers who may or may not be using said items for their intended purpose.

It was within reason that every sex-specific retail outlet would jump on the bandwagon and start offering themed goodies to cash in on this behemoth of a trend, but even Supermarkets are getting in on the action and offering their own line of (perhaps a little less risqué) ‘accessories’.

Seriously, Fifty Shades of Grey did for grown ups what Frozen did for a generation of children…Perhaps short of people uploading their own recreations on Youtube…cause that could’ve been disturbing/entertaining (delete as appropriate).

BDSM has had an awakening, and in general, the community is pretty happy about the fact that their favourite pastime is a little more prevalent, a little less taboo. But there is an undertone of cynicism, a whispering of discontent, and whole bucket load of exasperation at the general misunderstanding of what BDSM actually is, and what the hell it actually means to be a Submissive…or a Dominant…and wait, I’m about to confuse the fuck out of you even more…

Doms, Subs, Bottoms, Tops, Sadists, and Masochists…to name but a few.

In some circles, these are all completely different. In some circles, these are all one in the same. In many circles, these are all general terms to describe certain aspects of the BDSM dynamic and they are used to help forge an understanding of someone’s particular interest in the bedroom.

Confused yet? You probably should be…

Ok, let’s begin at the beginning and explain just a few of the words that you may come across (no pun intended) if you decide to take a little peek into the actual world of BDSM…

BDSM – Bondage/Dominance/Submission/Sadism/Masochism (I know that should be BDSSM, but it isn’t, just go with it…)

Fetish – A sexual desire linked, with an abnormal degree of interest, to a particular act/object/scenario. (Side note – Rule 36 – If it exists, there is a fetish for it!)

Kink – Sexual practices that go beyond what is considered ‘conventional’. (Side note – Vanilla – Conventional)

D/s – An abbreviation for Dominance and Submission, which is also used as an umbrella term for most types of BDSM relationships.

Primal – Someone that enjoys the raw, animalistic, approach to sexual practice, within any of the following dynamics.

Sadist – Someone who has a Fetish for inflicting pain.

Masochist – Someone who has a Fetish for receiving pain.

Top – Someone who has a Fetish for being in charge in the bedroom.

Bottom – Someone who has a Fetish for not being in charge in the bedroom.

Submissive – (Ugh…this one is tricky…in the simplest terms…) Someone who has a Fetish for relinquishing control in the bedroom (or elsewhere), with regards to physical, emotional, and sexual practice, specifically to a Dominant.

Dominant – (Ugh…just as tricky…again…) Someone who has a Fetish for assuming control in the bedroom (or elsewhere), with regards to physical, emotional, and sexual practice, specifically of a Submissive.

(Responsible Disclaimer at this point – These terms refer to the dynamic between CONSENTING ADULTS; no physical or emotional manipulation plays any part in a proper D/s relationship…Let’s not get all trolly and judgemental about it.)

I know what you’re thinking…Pretty straightforward, not so confusing…So far so good, right?

Waiiiiiiit……

You can be a Bottom without being a Submissive or a Masochist.

You can be a Masochist without being a Bottom or a Submissive.

You can be a Submissive without being a Masochist (But you would typically be a Bottom)

You can be a Top without being a Dominant or a Sadist.

You can be a Sadist without being a Top or a Dominant.

You can be a Dominant without being a Sadist (But you would typically be a Top)

You can be a Primal without being any of the above.

You can be any combination of any of the above, to any ratio, whatsoever, including, but not restricted to…

Being a Masochistic Submissive with a Primal edge that occasionally enjoys Topping from the Bottom.

Being a Sadistic Top that has no interest in Submission, but loves a good Primal Bottom.

Being a Sadomasochist that enjoys both inflicting and receiving pain but is in no way Dominant or Submissive.

Being a Bottomy Submissive with no Masochistic tendencies, whatsoever.

Being a Toppy Dominant with no Sadistic tendencies, whatsoever.

Being a Primal Toppy Sadist.

Being a Bottomy Submissive Masochist.

Being a Bratty Submissive with Switchy tendencies….Wait!! New terms???…Damnit….

See, it can get confusing.

So, here’s my point; I don’t believe there is any such thing as just a Submissive, or just a Dominant. But I also don’t believe that everyone running around calling themselves these after reading Fifty Shades of Grey is genuinely either.

I did it too….I discovered BDSM and called myself a Submissive for a long time. Then I spent some time researching…reading…writing…experimenting…and I realised just how vast and varied this lifestyle is. Just how complicated it can be, how confusing it can be, how enticing and exciting it can be, and how a thousand different nuances and tastes can be twisted and contorted and evolve into something entirely different to what you might expect.

Me? I’m a Bottomy Masochist with Submissive tendencies that lean toward the Primal.

A few of my favourite things…

Music, Singing, Writing

It’s no secret that I love words. Words. Words. Words. I talk about my love of them here

“The fact that a few otherwise non-consequential words, written in the right order and read at the right moment, can evoke powerful reactions that can last a life time, that, for me, is magic. That’s what real magic looks like.”

But, as a singer, I also love music. My two greatest passions in life; writing and singing. Luckily, I’ve been fortunate enough to make a good living from both and now get to call them both ‘work’. And, of course, the greatest thing in the world for me is to find a song that is lyrically beautiful. It’s like my two favourite things coming together almost orgasmically (well, come on, I’m a erotic writer…there had to be some reference to filth in there somewhere…don’t worry, there will be more).

This is not an exhaustive list…there’s just too many to mention! I could go on and on about all the amazing songs out there, by any number of artists, but off the top of my head, and at 5am when I can’t sleep…these come to mind…

I literally listen to anything and everything. When I’m writing, I favour lyricless pieces, like Ludivico Enaudi or Chopin’s Nocturnes (and Opus 55 in F Minor seriously does things to me!), largely because I can’t think of words and hear them at the same time. Seriously, try and talk to me when I’m writing, I will probably grunt at you or, more likely, ignore you completely. I’m in the zone…don’t throw me off my game.

As a singer, I prefer acoustic, lyrical masterpieces. In my humble opinion, The Goo Goo Dolls, Iris, is utter perfection, for the lyrics, the melody, and the accompaniment. And I get to sing some great stuff…Guns’n’Roses, Patience. The Rolling Stones, Wild Horses. An acoustic, stripped back version of Lady Gaga’s Pokerface (ok, not lyrical perfection, but I get to belt out the second verse, full on Diva style, and I just fucking enjoy it!), and Four Non-Blondes, What’s up (who doesn’t love that song!).

Cheesy music makes me happy. And I do mean cheesy. Ok, don’t judge me for these, they are typically by association…

Meghan Trainor, All About the Base (I’m sorry…), because I spent an amazing weekend with three awesome girlfriends in Spain last year, and we drank sangria by the pool, wearing bikinis, listening to this song…it will forever have a special (albeit somewhat annoying) place in my heart.

Usher, Oh My Gosh….ARGH! I love this song! I don’t care…it’s awesome. You shhh….

Santana, Maria Maria…Come on…it’s Santana, what’s not to love!

And then we come to my favourite sub-category of music…Songs that turn me on; usually because of the lyrics, actually, definitely because of the lyrics.

Jason Derulo, Talk Dirty…Pfft…for obvious reasons.

It pains me to say it, but the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack is pretty damn good. Beyonce’s, Crazy Love Remix is pretty hot! As is The Weekend’s, Earned it. Oh, and B’s Haunted…too hot! They turn me on.

Pretty much the whole of the Maroon 5, Songs About Jane album…and just to give you a few examples…

Shiver – “Remember how my body tastes, and feel your heart begin to race” and “I shiver when I hear your name, I think about you but it’s not the same, I won’t be satisfied till I’m under your skin.”

Sunday Morning – “Fingers trace your every outline. Paint a picture with my hands. Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm, change of weather still together when it ends.”

And finally, from that same album, my all time favourite…the song that never fails to turn me on…always has, always will…(Drum roll, please…)

Secret – “Cool these engines, calm these jets. I ask you how hot can it get? And as you wipe of beads of sweat, slowly you say, I’m not there yet. I know I don’t know you, but I want you so bad.” – Seriously…this song!

The Submissive’s Lament (or An ode to the guys who hit on subs in bars)

BDSM, Erotic Poetry, Kink, Poems, Poetry, Sex

Oh Hunny….

Oh hunny, you want to play with me?
But I’m not like those other girls, you see.
My tastes are somewhat experimental,
I don’t like it soft, I don’t want it gentle.
I like it fast, I like it rough,
Oh, I see, you haven’t heard enough?
Yes, I know, I’m quite intriguing,
“A sub, you say?” But, that’s quite misleading.
See, you’ve read 50 Shades of Grey,
and you think you know how I like to play.
But that, my friend, is a work of fiction.
I like a Dom with some conviction.
Yeah, you can pin me down, you can spank my arse,
you can even make it hard and fast.
But can you make me want you?
Can you make me need you?
Can you make me crave and yearn to please you?
And with a single look, with a subtle tease,
can you have me begging on my knees?
Can you worship my body with all of your being
and give me the pain I’m so desperately needing?
No, you can’t. I know, life’s just not fair.
You want to play, but you’re a little scared.
Well, I don’t need scared; I need firm, I need strong.
I need everything everyone’s told you is wrong.
What’s that? I’m twisted? I’m fucked up? A slut?
I’m none of those things…Well, I’m all of them, but,
I’m a playground, and you’re just not equipped to play.
So, thanks for the drink, but I’ll be on my way.

Fifty Shades of Grey?

Bared to You, Erotic FIction, Erotica, Fifty Shades of Grey, Writing

Well, this wouldn’t be much of a kinky blog about Erotica without at least some reference to the global behemoth that is Fifty Shades of Grey, would it?

So here’s my opinion…and it’s just my opinion, mind, let’s not get all uppity about it…

No, I did not start writing Erotica because I read Fifty Shades; I have written in this genre for some time, I just haven’t had the nerve to publish it.

Yes, I do owe EL James a debt of gratitude for bringing this genre to the mainstream and giving me the balls to actually put my stuff out there.

By mainstream, I mean, supermarket book shelves. I have, since it was released, fought ardently against all those that jump up and down and claim Fifty Shades of Grey brought Erotica to the forefront and ‘allowed’ women to read filth. Mills and Boon did that YEARS ago! What EL James managed, and quite successfully, was to allow Erotica to sit proudly and prominently on every shelf in every bookstore and supermarket across the land.

For the record, when I read the books, I enjoyed them; I had to put a few of my issues regarding the over use of repetitive adjectives, verbiage, and sloppy writing to the back of my mind (for example, he needs to stop ‘cupping her sex’, and her clothes ‘pool at her feet’ far more than necessary), but I enjoyed them, on the whole.

My opinion, however, is that there are better pieces of BDSM related Erotica that could have been the flagship for this genre. I know how she done it; she created the perfect fairy-tale to filth ratio, with just enough cliché to make it lovable and just enough taboo to make it scandalous. Genius, really, if you ask me. But, let’s not pretend it is a literary masterpiece, because it isn’t.

I would much rather have seen Silvia Day’s, Bared to You, hit the big screen than Fifty Shades, it has a lot more depth and darkness.

My point is, Fifty Shades of Grey is what it is, slating it will not make it go away, or change the opinion of the masses, but I would recommend that you don’t make it your point of reference when it comes to Erotica, and certainly not when it comes to BDSM.