Fifty Shades More?!

BDSM, D/s, Fifty Shades of Grey, Writing

It’s been confirmed! EL James officially has nothing else to write about!

I do get it…the world fell in love with Fifty Shades, with Christian in particular, but really?! Do we really need another version of something that was suspiciously popular in the first place? The three books, combined, outsold Harry Potter! The film smashed box office records…I know! But quit while you’re ahead, people!

You know how you hear that song that you love, and the whole world loves it too, and it gets played on the radio over and over and over, and eventually you want to rip your own eyeballs out whenever you hear it? Yeah…that!

As I’ve said before, I begrudgingly loved the books when they were first released, but this kind of feels like flogging a dead horse (flogging pun absolutely intended!) It’s like the people behind the BDSM Behemoth can’t let go.

Before I go full on Elsa and start belting out my pitch perfect rendition of Let it Go, I’ll move on…(Bet you never thought you’d see a Disney reference in a piece about Fifty Shades…Yeah…I went there!)

EL James clearly has a talent for creating characters that people love. For the most part, she’s a fantastic story teller, and I do believe that she should continue to write other things (and perhaps hirer a damn good editor), but the appeal of Christian Grey is wearing a little thin now, and trying to bleed this money-horse for all it’s worth (which is pretty clearly what is happening) will just end in tears…and not the tears of the submissive being beaten with a riding crop…genuine tears! My tears!

Say what now!? On BDSM Roles and Terminology

BDSM, D/s, Fetish, Fifty Shades of Grey, Kink, Sex, Writing

Thanks to a certain well-known (and no doubt well-thumbed…Pun absolutely intended) book, the whole world has now heard the terms Dominance and Submission with regards to what people get up to in the boudoir.

Women up and down the length and breadth of the globe are now jumping up and down and shouting, “I’m a submissive! Tie me up!” and the cable tie and rope section at your local DIY store has no doubt had an influx of curious customers who may or may not be using said items for their intended purpose.

It was within reason that every sex-specific retail outlet would jump on the bandwagon and start offering themed goodies to cash in on this behemoth of a trend, but even Supermarkets are getting in on the action and offering their own line of (perhaps a little less risqué) ‘accessories’.

Seriously, Fifty Shades of Grey did for grown ups what Frozen did for a generation of children…Perhaps short of people uploading their own recreations on Youtube…cause that could’ve been disturbing/entertaining (delete as appropriate).

BDSM has had an awakening, and in general, the community is pretty happy about the fact that their favourite pastime is a little more prevalent, a little less taboo. But there is an undertone of cynicism, a whispering of discontent, and whole bucket load of exasperation at the general misunderstanding of what BDSM actually is, and what the hell it actually means to be a Submissive…or a Dominant…and wait, I’m about to confuse the fuck out of you even more…

Doms, Subs, Bottoms, Tops, Sadists, and Masochists…to name but a few.

In some circles, these are all completely different. In some circles, these are all one in the same. In many circles, these are all general terms to describe certain aspects of the BDSM dynamic and they are used to help forge an understanding of someone’s particular interest in the bedroom.

Confused yet? You probably should be…

Ok, let’s begin at the beginning and explain just a few of the words that you may come across (no pun intended) if you decide to take a little peek into the actual world of BDSM…

BDSM – Bondage/Dominance/Submission/Sadism/Masochism (I know that should be BDSSM, but it isn’t, just go with it…)

Fetish – A sexual desire linked, with an abnormal degree of interest, to a particular act/object/scenario. (Side note – Rule 36 – If it exists, there is a fetish for it!)

Kink – Sexual practices that go beyond what is considered ‘conventional’. (Side note – Vanilla – Conventional)

D/s – An abbreviation for Dominance and Submission, which is also used as an umbrella term for most types of BDSM relationships.

Primal – Someone that enjoys the raw, animalistic, approach to sexual practice, within any of the following dynamics.

Sadist – Someone who has a Fetish for inflicting pain.

Masochist – Someone who has a Fetish for receiving pain.

Top – Someone who has a Fetish for being in charge in the bedroom.

Bottom – Someone who has a Fetish for not being in charge in the bedroom.

Submissive – (Ugh…this one is tricky…in the simplest terms…) Someone who has a Fetish for relinquishing control in the bedroom (or elsewhere), with regards to physical, emotional, and sexual practice, specifically to a Dominant.

Dominant – (Ugh…just as tricky…again…) Someone who has a Fetish for assuming control in the bedroom (or elsewhere), with regards to physical, emotional, and sexual practice, specifically of a Submissive.

(Responsible Disclaimer at this point – These terms refer to the dynamic between CONSENTING ADULTS; no physical or emotional manipulation plays any part in a proper D/s relationship…Let’s not get all trolly and judgemental about it.)

I know what you’re thinking…Pretty straightforward, not so confusing…So far so good, right?

Waiiiiiiit……

You can be a Bottom without being a Submissive or a Masochist.

You can be a Masochist without being a Bottom or a Submissive.

You can be a Submissive without being a Masochist (But you would typically be a Bottom)

You can be a Top without being a Dominant or a Sadist.

You can be a Sadist without being a Top or a Dominant.

You can be a Dominant without being a Sadist (But you would typically be a Top)

You can be a Primal without being any of the above.

You can be any combination of any of the above, to any ratio, whatsoever, including, but not restricted to…

Being a Masochistic Submissive with a Primal edge that occasionally enjoys Topping from the Bottom.

Being a Sadistic Top that has no interest in Submission, but loves a good Primal Bottom.

Being a Sadomasochist that enjoys both inflicting and receiving pain but is in no way Dominant or Submissive.

Being a Bottomy Submissive with no Masochistic tendencies, whatsoever.

Being a Toppy Dominant with no Sadistic tendencies, whatsoever.

Being a Primal Toppy Sadist.

Being a Bottomy Submissive Masochist.

Being a Bratty Submissive with Switchy tendencies….Wait!! New terms???…Damnit….

See, it can get confusing.

So, here’s my point; I don’t believe there is any such thing as just a Submissive, or just a Dominant. But I also don’t believe that everyone running around calling themselves these after reading Fifty Shades of Grey is genuinely either.

I did it too….I discovered BDSM and called myself a Submissive for a long time. Then I spent some time researching…reading…writing…experimenting…and I realised just how vast and varied this lifestyle is. Just how complicated it can be, how confusing it can be, how enticing and exciting it can be, and how a thousand different nuances and tastes can be twisted and contorted and evolve into something entirely different to what you might expect.

Me? I’m a Bottomy Masochist with Submissive tendencies that lean toward the Primal.

Fifty Shades of Grey?

Bared to You, Erotic FIction, Erotica, Fifty Shades of Grey, Writing

Well, this wouldn’t be much of a kinky blog about Erotica without at least some reference to the global behemoth that is Fifty Shades of Grey, would it?

So here’s my opinion…and it’s just my opinion, mind, let’s not get all uppity about it…

No, I did not start writing Erotica because I read Fifty Shades; I have written in this genre for some time, I just haven’t had the nerve to publish it.

Yes, I do owe EL James a debt of gratitude for bringing this genre to the mainstream and giving me the balls to actually put my stuff out there.

By mainstream, I mean, supermarket book shelves. I have, since it was released, fought ardently against all those that jump up and down and claim Fifty Shades of Grey brought Erotica to the forefront and ‘allowed’ women to read filth. Mills and Boon did that YEARS ago! What EL James managed, and quite successfully, was to allow Erotica to sit proudly and prominently on every shelf in every bookstore and supermarket across the land.

For the record, when I read the books, I enjoyed them; I had to put a few of my issues regarding the over use of repetitive adjectives, verbiage, and sloppy writing to the back of my mind (for example, he needs to stop ‘cupping her sex’, and her clothes ‘pool at her feet’ far more than necessary), but I enjoyed them, on the whole.

My opinion, however, is that there are better pieces of BDSM related Erotica that could have been the flagship for this genre. I know how she done it; she created the perfect fairy-tale to filth ratio, with just enough cliché to make it lovable and just enough taboo to make it scandalous. Genius, really, if you ask me. But, let’s not pretend it is a literary masterpiece, because it isn’t.

I would much rather have seen Silvia Day’s, Bared to You, hit the big screen than Fifty Shades, it has a lot more depth and darkness.

My point is, Fifty Shades of Grey is what it is, slating it will not make it go away, or change the opinion of the masses, but I would recommend that you don’t make it your point of reference when it comes to Erotica, and certainly not when it comes to BDSM.